Governor Vaginal Probe, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Stupid Laws

   
     There is another way, my fellow Texans, to see the abomination of the legislative process that was the last legislative session. As my grandmother used to say, what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander, or was it a rolling stone gathers no moss. I don’t know. 
      Anyway, turnabout is fair play. If and when Texans return to sanity and stop sending Know Nothings, birthers, and assorted wing-nuts to Austin, sane people could be in control, and they could do unto the self-righteous rednecks as they have done to us.
      For example, if a governor pushes for billions of dollars to be cut from education, he would have to teach for one week in an inner city middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL, BWA, HA, HA, HA! Yes, teach forty middle school kids in the midst of hormonal tsunamis all crowded into one small classroom without air conditioning. Oh, especially after lunch. And he’d have to be videotaped, and get no help from assistants or any “non-essential” school employees. I bet he wouldn’t last a day.
      But why stop there? Any governor who would cut Medicaid would have to spend a week at a public hospital emptying bed pans and taking blood pressure, holding the hands of those who were dying and comforting the grieving loved ones. Then he’d have to look in the eyes of a mother whose child will die without medical care and tell that mother, “Sorry, we can’t help your son.”
      Or how about any governor who’d allow industry to spew more pollution into our already foul air would have to spend a week camping next to the smelliest refinery in Pasadena (or, as we called it growing up, Stinkadena) with his own children or, better yet, grandchildren by his side.   And when his kids &/or grandkids are hacking away with asthma, maybe, just maybe, he’ll finally get it and understand why pollution controls are important.
      Or, yes, any governor who would cut taxes on businesses and the rich just to get more campaign contributions would have to spend the holidays with those people whose services would be cut or jobs would be eliminated because of his corruption.
      And finally, any governor who would push for women to be raped by a transvaginal ultrasound wand because they wanted to have an abortion would have to himself go to Planned Parenthood, take off his clothes, bend over, and be stuck in another orifice with a ten-inch wand. That'll teach him!
      So like Slim Pickens, riding a bucking bomb, I say, “Yahoo! to asinine laws, just ours, not theirs.”