Rick Perry's Texas: No Miracles Here!

       So what kind of state is Rick Perry's Texas? Well, it's a state where soon college students won't be able to show their college id when when they vote because we don't trust those damn intellectuals. But we'll accept a concealed handgun license. The Second Amendment rules, but college students drool!

       And here's some more fun facts about my state. We're number one in executions, and in the top ten in teen birth rate, toxic and cancerous manufacturing emissions, clean water permit violations, percentage of the population that goes hungry, and percentage of people without medical insurance. Hot damn! How about that Texas miracle?

         An even more complete picture comes when you see in what categories we're in bottom ten: percentage of eligible voters who go to the polls, percentage of poor covered by Medicaid, average hourly wage, per capita spending on public health, SAT scores, and high school graduation rates.

        But if you really want to know what kind of state this is, get in your car and cruise our wild Metroplex freeways of the Dallas-Fort Worth area. There you’ll discover the Wild West isn’t dead. Hell, it’s not even wounded.

What you’ll experience is near anarchic conditions where rednecks with “Finally! We have a face to go on the food Stamp” (sic) bumperstickers and little chrome fish -- driving their weapons of choice – mainly, SUVs, 2-ton trucks, and Hummers -- careen through traffic like the Visigoths after they sacked Rome.

       The redneck hordes’ driving mirrors their Neanderthal, Ayn Rand, Darwinian, survival-of-the-fittest, I’ve-got-mine-screw-you piece of caca we’ve all had to endure for far too long. Yes, these are manly men who equate patriotism with believing everything every Republican President (or Republican governor) says and cheering from their Lazyboys as we attack yet another impoverished third world backwater.

        Yes, they’ll sacrifice for the war. They bought a magnetic yellow ribbon to put on their truck, didn't they? Just don’t ask them to pay any more in taxes. It is their money, after all.

       And as you’re tooling down one of our 8-lane sprawl producers, why don’t you check out our non-denominational, mega-Bible churches with their 21^st century multi-media services and 19^th century Rapture-waiting, holier-than-thou exclusivity.

But look closely because the dirty little secret is these kinds of churches are not really Christian in the traditional sense. Sure, they mention Jesus or the Lord every few seconds. But their Jesus is a God-in-a-box, who, not so strangely enough, always calls them to ever more power and wealth, not something as pitiful and old-fashioned as self-sacrifice or god forbid, brotherly love. In reality, their religion is based less on Jesus, a 1^st century Mediterranean peasant revolutionary, than on American exceptionalism and consumerism.

         And as you continue to drive, pay attention. Notice how the neighborhoods you pass are as stratified by class and race as any caste system. They ring our Texas cities like Dante’s circles of hell. If it ever existed, our much-touted egalitarianism is an anachronism, a relic we’ve collectively tossed into the weeds on the side of the road, like so much fast food trash.

And finally, notice our Texas downtowns. In the Middle Ages, what were the tallest buildings in Europe? The Gothic cathedrals that rose like folded hands in prayer represented the Catholic Church in all its power. Now what are the tallest buildings?

          The glass and steel cathedrals of transnational corporations -- watch them as they gleam in the unforgiving Texas sun, and know, my fellow Americans, we’re in trouble and that starts with a capital T and rhymes with rubble.

The truth is that in our state democracy was long ago trumped by rapacious rednecks who buy politicians like most of us buy toilet paper, in bulk. And they don’t care about me or their fellow Texans. They care about only two things: themselves and money.

Notice how Perry said that he was offended if Michelle Bachmann believed he was bought for a measly $5000; that's chump change to the man from Paint Creek, who became a millionaire as a “public servant.” It would be funny, if it were not so sad and typical of my state.

A 9/11 Remembrance: When Will the Stupid Country Ever Grow Up?

      9/11 is nothing to be nostalgic about. Politicos like Hillary Clinton and President Obama look back and wistfully intone that we were all united on that day. But united for what? 9/11 was the beginning of the worst years of our lives.

      After the tragedy of 9/11, the public went somnambulant; the media rolled over and played dead; and the Congress, the elected representatives of the people, became a rubber stamp for ill-advised and expensive military adventurism, not to mention a dangerous curtailment of civil liberties in our own country and human rights abroad. Hell, after 9/11, a sitting President advocated torture.

      But what are we assailed with on this tenth anniversary but mawkish sentiment. All I remember after 9/11 is a kind of forced and maudlin patriotism, where it became de rigueur even before a performance of The Nutcracker to play the national anthem.

      And today, we see that same lump in your throat “news” being replayed over and over. It is a product, I suppose, of our lazy mainstream media that refuses to analyze in any meaningful way what led up to 9/11 and what happened afterward.

      After 9/11, our nation engaged in two ill-advised wars that will end up costing us more than 4 trillion dollars. After 9/11, our nation threw nobody-knows-how many tons of cash at black ops programs that are mismanaged, inefficient, and ineffective. After 9/11, our nation engaged in crony capitalism where contractors (mercenaries/Hessians) fought side-by-side American soldiers and Marines who were being paid a fraction of what they were being paid. After 9/11, our nation detained people without trial, tortured prisoners, and engaged in serious human rights abuses here and abroad.

      If you want to know the measure of a man or woman, see what they do in an emergency. Do they keep their heads or not? We did not. In the aftermath of 9/11 our government acted in ways that can only be described as shameful and short-sighted.

      The real question we should be asking ourselves on this tenth anniversary is do we want to continue to be the stupid country steeped in nostalgia and blind to the full impact of our country's policies?

God says to Rick Perry: Hell No!

     Today in an exclusive interview, God took issue with Governor Rick Perry's contention that God himself urged him to run for President.

     “Hell, no, I didn't tell him to run,” God said, leaning back on his heavenly throne after a hard day's work of keeping the cosmos more or less in order. “I heard his prayer, and I remember clearly telling him, 'No! Don't run. Are you crazy or something? What, you think the US needs another cowboy Texas President shooting from the hip, invading countries for no reason, and ruining the economy?' But did he listen to me, no.”

      “Maybe you should think about sending him a sign,” I calmly suggested to the Alpha and Omega.

     “A sign. The guy urged his state to pray for rain. Have I sent any rain? I ignored those prayers for a reason. 'Texas, worse summer in recorded history' at the same time Governor Perry is running for the Republican nomination. Duh! But does anybody pay attention? Does he pay attention?

And fires, they're all over his state. What do I need to do? Send locusts. How Old Testament do you want me to go? These people say they believe in me, but do they read their Bibles. I don't think so.”

      “So what do you think about all these politicians who make frequent references to your will and say that they listen to you?” I asked, getting a little nervous about all the cherubim and angels hovering above the heavenly throne.

      God threw up his hands. “What can you do? Don't get me wrong. I love humanity. I made them what they are today, but sometimes some of them really piss me off. They say they listen to me. No, they don't. They listen to themselves and say it's me.”

      Then I saw the archangel Michael fluttering next to God's right ear. God gave a quick nod, and said unto me, “I got a 5:30. Can we wrap this up?”

      “Yeah, sure, but I got one more question. I have always wondered about disasters: hurricanes, floods, tsunamis, 9/11. Do you cause those for a reason? What's up with that? What in God's name do you want us to do? We're just people.”

      “No, it's not like that. Accidents happen sometimes. What can I say? You know,  sometimes I have to go a little fire and brimstone, but only when I need to. Usually, I am a patient and forgiving deity.”

     Then God leaned down to me and whispered, “When bad things happen, most of the time it's the subcontractors. And I got zero control over them. What can I say? You really can't get good help these days.

      And, of course, I'd love to talk to you some more, but busy busy. Listen, my people will talk to your people and we'll have lunch some time. Chow.”